She thought she was about to lose me too.
“No.”
I dropped to the floor.
“No, Lily. Come here.”
She climbed into my lap and grabbed my shirt with both hands.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
I repeated it until her breathing slowed.
But one sentence kept replaying in my mind.
You still don’t know why Dad chose you.
And slowly, an ugly thought formed.
Maybe now I did understand.
Daniel had witnessed what happened to Josie.
He knew I had lost a child.
Maybe he had looked at me and thought:
There.
A mother without a daughter.
A daughter without a mother.
Problem solved.
Suddenly, every memory I had of Daniel looked different.
How much had been love?
How much had been guilt?
Had he chosen me because he cared about me?
Or because he believed my grief made me the perfect person to take Lily?
“I think I finally understand why your dad chose me,” I whispered.
Lily looked up.
“But he didn’t.”
I frowned.
“What?”
“Dad didn’t choose you.”
She said it like it was obvious.
“I did.”
I stared at her.
“Lily, sweetheart, what do you mean?”
She played with the edge of her sleeve.
“It was before you married Dad. Before he even liked you like that.”
She explained that after I had been helping with her hair and sitting with her during Daniel’s treatments, she asked him a question.
“Daddy, is this what having a mommy feels like?”
I stopped breathing.
Lily continued.
“He asked what I meant.”
She shrugged.
“I told him you knew how I liked my hair. You remembered things I said. You helped when I got scared. You made sure I had things I needed.”
Then she looked straight at me.
“And you stayed.”
My eyes filled.
“What did your dad say?”
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